Here’s my dirty little secret: I love reality television and I especially love “The Real Housewives” franchises. Season after season, us die-hard fans seek a fresh dose of drama and a peak into the homes and lives of the wealthy, a gap thankfully addressed in the absence of Robin Leach. For me it’s about the human behavior – the understanding of what drives people to react the way they do and the lasting impact of outlandish antics.
My change management consulting has evolved significantly over the years, the result of hard work through a willingness to grow, an openness to feedback, and a lot of self-awareness. Surprisingly, a major shift happened when I started applying my observations about “The Real Housewives” behavior to interactions with clients and colleagues. I know it sounds crazy but, thanks to Andy Cohen and Alex Baskin, here are five lessons from “The Real Housewives” which have made me a better change consultant.
1. Change is hard, just like watching Sonja take YEARS to sell that townhouse. Most people do not have the emotional awareness and/or communication skills to effectively convey their discomfort during change. I help clients peel away the layers of uncertainty so they can see what’s holding them back and how they can move forward.
2. A fiercely loyal person can be pushed beyond their limits. Loyalty falls apart among significant others, cherished friends, “and” organizations when trust is broken and disappointment is repeatedly delivered. Taking time to understand fears, desires, and motivators allows me to build trust with clients, even when the organization around them feels less-than-trusting.
3. When someone reacts in a surprising or disproportionate manner (literally everyone on reality television), it’s very likely there is something else going on in their life. I may or may not be privy to the details and that’s okay, because everyone’s business isn’t my business. However, I do need to recognize it to navigate through it.
4. Some people are a constant hot mess and can’t pull themselves together even in the most ideal situations. It’s not my job to fix or judge, but it is my job to provide structure and reassurance that our practical, right-sized (and fabulous!), change management plan will take us to go-live and beyond.
5. You cannot control how other people think or react and you cannot take on their emotions. Instead, to quote the great Mel Robbins, “Let them”. Let them be afraid of change. Let them be a hot mess. Let them question everything I am doing as a consultant with 25 years of experience. And let ME listen, support, and guide them through their change experience with grace…and maybe a little bit of fun if they’ll have it.
When we, as change consultants, understand the behavior we’re seeing (or not seeing), we can quickly adapt to make stronger connections and build trust, which is the foundation of any successful professional or personal relationship.
Critics can bash reality television all they want but just like everything in life, it’s what YOU make of it. Now go pour a glass of Pinot Grigio, adjust the crown (it’s heavy, darling), and go to sleep!